36. Yup, that’s right. That’s my age at this very second. Farther away from 30 and closer to 40 than I’d like to see and/or admit to. I know many people will read those sentences and think,”What is she worried about?! She’s young!” You’re right. I am young. I am well aware of that. But not young enough where I don’t have
an ounce a TON of shear panic of not finding “The One” or “having it all” before I turn 40.
I know age is just a number. You are what you feel. But somedays, you just want to come home and be with your best friend. The one who makes you laugh and knows what makes you tick. And you want little feet running towards you and giving you the biggest hugs that can be had. This. This is what I fear. Fear of not having that. And at 36, this is a huge fear of mine.
I’ve read enough articles, books and posts to see both sides of ‘mentioning’ and ‘not mentioning’ your feelings on this to the world (aka. men). But guess what. I don’t follow what people say or do. I do what I want and I know what I want. And this is
an my outlet. And if I can help another woman (or man) know they aren’t alone with having this fear, it makes that horrible feeling of panic diminish just a smidge.
I have to say, I have gotten better with having this fear and I’ll let you in on a little secret- my faith.
My faith has done nothing but lessen my fear and know that in His time, my prayers will be answered. “God has more in store for you than you can even imagine.” – Ephesians 3:20. I may not have my best friend waiting for me when I get home, or even hear little feet running towards me- yet. But I do have a man and his son, who will forever stand by, guide me, protect me and most importantly love me. No. Matter. What.
Fear is a dangerous thing. It can paralyze you into feeling like you can’t move, think or feel. It plays terrible games with your mind and eventually you start to believe your own fears. Do not let this take over.
Every day and night, make sure you take time to be still. Be still and hear your own thoughts and prayers. When you think he’s not listening, He is. He always is. Since renewing my faith (we all get lost sometimes), I have been led in the right direction and know He is working for me. Jesus replied, “You don’t understand what I am doing now, but someday you will.” – John 13:7. Learn to not question why things are happening. Trust in the process. That is what I’m trying to do. I’m trusting that at 36, this is where I am supposed to be. Making differences in other’s children until my very own grace this world. No matter what you do, you need to have faith, believe and trust. Without those, you will let fear win.
You, too, will have your prayers answered. Whether it be, hoping to be guided in the right direction about something that has been weighing on your heart, receiving love or being able to give love, or just knowing you are not alone. In time, we will find out what His plan is for us. And until then, we need to be thankful for every morning we wake up and open our eyes, we don’t know when it will be our last. Life is short. Live it to the fullest.